Before ang Horoscope, After and Senti (Labo ng Title)

Wahahaha! Ang perfect ng friendster horoscope ko ngayon. Something to do with letting go of expectations about some person who isn't living up to it. Feeling ko tuloy kilala ako ng gumagawa ng friendster horoscope. Freaky kung ganon.

*****

Ang senti ko talagang tao. Kanina galing kami ni Letti sa CHK. Nagjeep kami pabalik ng Econ. Tas ayun, senti-senti na. Sabi ni Letti last jog niya daw sa April 3 tapos ang gagawin niya iikot daw sha sa buong UP at kukuha daw sha ng pics ng buildings at places. At sinasama niya ako. Well, oks lang naman saken sumama. Sana nga lang tumagal ako, haha. There's always the Ikot rin naman pag di ko na kaya. Sasakay na lang ako ng jeep pabalik ng Econ, haha! Pero yun nga, senti-sentihan. Ang bilis ng four years e. Siguro nga mas mabilis kung by sem ang bilang...Di mo talaga napapansin na patapos na pala e. At narealize naming andame pa naming di pa pala nagagawa sa UP na naisip naming gawin bago pa kami pumasok dun. Like ako, matagal ko nang gusto magstar-gazing sa UP Observatory, sumigaw ng parang wala nang bukas sa gitna ng Sunken Garden, mag-ghost-hunting sa Educ, sumali sa Lakay o sa kahit anong mountaineering org, at magPE na basketball. At dama ko may mga nakakalimutan pa akong iba bukod pa diyan. Pero kakaiba, attached kung attached talaga eh. Pumapasok na lang ako minsan just to be with people. Kase sandali na lang ang panahon na makakasama ko sila ng ganun e. Kasi naman noh, ito pa man din ata ang pinakamasaya kong sem ngayong college, ang hirap tuloy i-let go. Haha, there was never a day talaga na di ko naalala kung gaano ako kasuwerte na sa UP ako nag-aaral...and those days include times kung kailan feeling mo ikaw na ang pinakabobong estudyante sa UP ah. Da best talaga kase e. The best school. The best people. The best teachers. The best environment. The best learning experience.

*****

I realized while riding the MRT on my way home that my life may be basically divided into two "eras": the BEFORE and the AFTER. And these are two totally different periods in my life, at least when what each revolves around each is taken into consideration. And, after years of just not getting around to thinking about it, I realize that I miss the BEFORE. So much.

It's just that it's been a long time since I ever felt really safe and protected and stable and all the other adjectives you can associate with words usually associated with the ones I have mentioned. And that's because I've been doing all that is mentioned for myself since BEFORE ended and AFTER came. It was a personal choice. Or come to think of it, a must that was shoved right at me since it was, in my situation, the "right" thing to do...so, does this mean I didn't have a choice?

I am feeling its after-effects. Not so good. Quite inconvenient, especially when they attack at times when there are important things to do. But I guess they'll just all come to pass. Or I'll just have to learn to deal with them. Like the way I eventually learn to deal with everything else that come my way.

I am missing BEFORE even more.