You've been waiting for the bubble to burst and at that pivotal moment say what for years has been stuffed shut and sealed inside of you and yet when the time finally comes you end up not saying much and crying silently instead. Not that you don't want to say anything. Of course you do. Speaking just didn't feel appropriate at that point. Listening did. And trying to digest in just 30 minutes or so a lifetime of bad memories, bad decisions, and bad lies required for you to listen. With an open mind an an open heart. And at the end of it all, to welcome the open arms stretched in an effort to reach out for you...

... And you realize that IT IS a two-way street. That things ended up the way they did because people allowed them to. And part of those people is someone. YOU. And as all the facts slowly sink in, you wonder how this will all turn out...

But at least you were right. It really wasn't like this before. Happy thoughts of yesterday would remain untarnished. They would remain happy thoughts and thus something good to hold on to. And at a point like this, it is not just a something. It is everything.

Now that everything's out in the open, one can only hope. For real change. For the best. And again one sets himself out, vulnerable once more to the possibility of an even deeper disappointment this time around. But what else can one do? All the clutter of negatives doesn't change the very fiber of it all, they just obscure them. And after weeding them out, you are reacquainted with nothing but the overwhelming simplicity of its essence, that remains pure and good and untainted, the essence that holds the courage for people to stand up after stumbling and hitting rock bottom, that spark inside that embraces only what is right and impels one to seek it. It, too, is the same essence that transforms hate back into its antonym.

God does answer prayers. He has recently very blatantly answered two of my most fervent ones. But I learned that even if God does answer prayers, in the end one is still left with the choice. It is still up to you to make it work, to follow through. I didn't follow through the first one (which is fine and in retrospect I think will be beneficial in the long run -- but that's a different blog entry altogether). This second one definitely needs following through... and I am certainly going to give it what it needs.