Tila Kiti-Kiting Hindi Mapakali

Hindi ako mapakali

There's this constant, nagging urge for me to scream the shrillest scream I can come up with, just to release the balled up anxiety inside me.

Para akong kiti-kiti

Though not evidently seen through my actions, it definitely feels like that inside.

Ikaw kasi

Among other things, that is. Though you really don't have any active contribution to this.

Ako kasi

Experience should have taught me well already. Slow learner.

That Unbearable Lightness of Being

My life, as I see it, is something that may be, in essence, taken out of the pages of Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being: just plain routinary. Everything just seems to be lacking of essence. What used to mean a lot has lost its magic. What used to be a matter of utter importance can now be put aside for other activities. Things done over and over again have reached a saturation point and has finally been overdone. And with the sluggishness and uneasiness this brings the inner self, it is indeed unbearable.

When shall a fresh infusion of passion and inspiration wake me from this stagnant state of being? I do hope it would be sometime soon.

Negative Externality

How can something that started out to be so good turned out to be so bad? Well, for me, bad for me. Is there really a limit to the high-eqness one gets from something?

The automatic response to such negative externalities is simple: get rid of them.

But sadly, it's not as simple as it seems.

Don't Poke me with a Stick

Don't poke me with a stick. It isn't an effective means of getting my attention. Don't give me that cold glare. It does not get any positive message across. Don't say those words to my face. Sticks and stones can hurt my bones but those can't. Once upon a time they did but they no longer do. That's what you call environmental conditioning. So don't you dare preach to me about how bad I am and how, subconsciously you say how good you are. Again, let us the remember the concept of environmental conditioning. Your surroundings make who you are. And that doesn't produce an untainted reflection of you. So I suggest you take a quick look at yourself first before you go and direct all your efforts to giving me a hard time all day long.

Accumulated Thoughts

I went home with 1/3 of BC (the meaning of the initials is purposefully left out. amin na lang yun, haha.) last Thursday. As usual, kwento-kwento, kulitan, and chikahan. I just realized that I get to say a whole lot of things I wouldn't normally share that easily and naturally with anyone when I'm with them. They take a lot of load off my shoulders. And they make me laugh and smile. And we have Mcdo moments together. And we have shared low and high eq moments. And these we experienced because we happened to have the same route home. MRT-HI-WAY jeep + MRT. And when, in two months I find my new route to and from whichever company it is I am working for, I shall miss them so.

I am so sentimental.

*****

Sometimes when you feel as if life gets the better of you, think that most of the time you get the better off life.

*****

There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time... -- Avenue Q

*****

Seeing you come into that doorway is the highlight of my day.

*****

I am finally discovering the wonders of the music world. Currently addicted to Gin Blossoms. Permanently addicted to Dishwalla. Consequently looking for other groups to get addicted too. Loving the crazy soundtrack of Avenue Q. I want an iPod.

*****

Glad to get at least some this off my head.

Caliraya

Caliraya was picture perfect. And the effect it had on my stressed out, sleepless, state! Beautiful, picturesque landscapes possess such calming qualities. I even got a chance to swim in the middle of a deep lake like Danielle on Ever After. Closing my eyes, my body facing the heavens, I just allowed myself to be bouyed by the water, the gentle current rocking me back and forth, back and forth...*sighs*

Sometimes the best things in life can be experienced for P300.

Close to You

Oh why don't you smile my only star
Shine on baby
Smile, my only star
Smile, my only star

Such a high EQ, feel-good movie, that Close to You. And I thought I watched it for John Lloyd's sake. But no, I ended up becoming a Sam Milby fan for a night! I am such a sucker for singers. And musicians. And good-looking, charming guys. But John Lloyd's character's okay too. Sweet and martir ever...which I actually find endearing (*asus KE. hahaha*). I found myself actually wishing I had Bea's problem: choosing between two great guys. Not much of a problem really...It would be hard but then again, I'm sure to be happy in the end, haha. Para maiba naman.

V-day

I love chocolates. Eating some right now. Woohoo, ultimate high eq food! :D Surely one of the better perks of Valentine's Day.

*****

Everyone seems to be looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend. At nasabi ko ito dahil kanina nagulat na lang ako nang ang aking sinabayan pauwi ay biglang nagremark: "Sa music lang lahat napupunta ang pera ko. Kaya kailangan ko na talaga magkaroon ng girlfriend." In fairness, nasurprise talaga ako, ah. He was not the type to go on remarking about things like that. Hahaha. It must be the V-day bug.

*****

I love my friends. Haha, alam kong alam niyo naman pero i-p-post ko na ren dito. I love she-who-went-to-econ-a-while-ago-to-cheer-me-up. And she brought my unofficial favorite barkada boyfriend with her. Haha! The flower delivery thing really cheered me up a while ago. And the ride home. And Globe Unlimitxt. Hahaha. Kahit na angtagal mong maactivate, keri lang.

What started out to be just another bad day turned out to be quite a good one in the end. Things like this bring me much needed hope.

*****

Fun, fun, fun tomorrow! Everytime naman eh. Looking forward to a great day!

*****

Sometimes you think you want something but when the time comes that you actually have the chance to get whatever it is you want, you suddenly realize it is not it that you wanted but the concept of it. So you once again trudge along and find whatever it is you are looking for, without any clue of what it actually is.

Life is one big trial-and-error thing.

*****

Okay, huling chocolate ko na pagkatapos nito. Tapos matutulog na ako. May breakfast pa bukas, whee!!!

Free Writing

Sabi nila okay daw magfree writing na lang pag wala ka naman talagang gustong isulat in particular e...kaya yung na lang ang gagawin ko ngayon.


Tapos na thesis first draft. Sleep at long last. it's fun to bum around the entire day. And not do anything you have to do. UP Fair Week!!! 50 First Days on HBO. Tinatamad akong magdrowing...pero kailangan. Jog na jog na ako bukas. Oh no, case naman. Hay. Play on friday! Chad Michael Murray on A Cinderella Story is gwapo. Independence may become a liability. Mabuhay ang Globe at ang unlimitext! I am a convert, haha. Sabi ng pari kanina sa misa we may have leprosy of the heart...hmmm...feeling ko...haha, whatever. Time is flying fast. Nakakatamad talaga minsan. Rocky mountain, rocky mountain, rocky mountain high! When you're on that rocky mountain...blah,blah,blah...Ms. Agondez and first year high school. Screaming my heart out to prove a theory, haha. And almost getting a C in deportment for it. What can I do? I am a curious kid. Haha. Sabi ko nga go ahead na. High EQ pic from Maggie. Hahaha. Pansin ko puro hahaha ako. Di lang dito, pati sa text messages. Is it my expression then? I don't know. Hahaha. I guess so. Hahaha. Babuu na. Hahaha. Free write kung free write e.

Drew's Night Out

Can't believe it. Three days before our first draft thesis deadline and we went out. To attend the Econ Vice Night. And that's officially with just seven pages of thesis to submit so far. Woohoo! Talk about unwinding. Even if you're what to unwind about is not yet over. Good thing I sober up fast. Thank you Jules for that. Kahit na nadapa ako dahil sa kagagawan mo! Oh, the shame. Panget ka talaga. Hahaha! But then again my TP's still there when I left. But then again, where he'd be going home to is way nearer than mine. Kamusta naman tayo TP?! Hahaha! Not to worry, I am going to write a part of out thesis tonight. Correction, I am going to write part of our thesis this morning. So I better be ending this blog entry right now, noh? Hay.

Feeling ko pagsisisihan ko ang pag-c-cram kong ito in the near future. Among other things.

Oh, Great!

I. CANNOT. WRITE.

Superb timing, isn't it?

Grrr...

Longing for Physical Activity

After five consecutive days of nothing but brain activity (okay, of course that's an exaggeration, but I know you get my point), I long to jog. I need to jog. I feel like my body's going to wither away due to lack of utilization. I think it's just the most appropriate means to jumpstart my week. And this week certainly needs a jumpstart. First Draft Week, woohoo. And regressions are still incomplete. But we can manage. Right TP? We always do. I kinda just want to write our thesis the entire week and do nothing else but that. And oh, jog of course. But I do hope I still have energy to jog tomorrow. Because I'm tired. Hay. I am never again going to underestimate the work of secretaries. Never.

See you on Friday.

Reading Break (Thank God!)

Reading related lit all day long is hazardous to your health. Avoid at all costs! Read ahead of time. Don't let them pile up. Unless you are open to having consecutive, sleepless nights and getting stuck inside the house, just trying to digest the message the econ book in front of you wants to impart to all econ students out there. And being bored and, and...*SIGH*

Why am I such a procrastinator?!

Cramming should be considered an art form.

Winter Guy Daw?

I am loving dinners with friends. Especially the ones I don't regularly get to spend time with. Had dinner last night with the BFC (Bestfriends Club a.k.a. the food trip gang). Dinner and chika, hehe. :D Fun, fun!

We got to talking about what type of guy would you go for more, generally speaking. So, we gave each other two qualities/descriptions to choose from. For example, NERD or JOCK? So, what answers did I give?

1) NERD or JOCK? NERD
2) MUSICIAN or ATHLETE? MUSICIAN
3) KHAKIS or JEANS? KHAKIS
4) RUBBER SHOES or SANDALS? SANDALS
5) TAHIMIK or MAINGAY ? TAHIMIK
6) ARTIST or SCIENTIST? SCIENTIST
7) SINGER or DANCER ? SINGER
8) SUMMER or WINTER? WINTER
9) SUPLADO or MABAIT ? SUPLADO
10) MAPUTI or MORENO ? MAPUTI

Haha, Nicc was so surprised with my answers...actually, they were all quite surprised. Hey, I can't blame them. Even I was surprised as well! We concluded that I'm attracted to tuods. Kamusta naman di ba?! Sabi ni Care I'd end up with a winter guy. Someone like Ronald Chin in Frog Prince (woohoo, at least gwapo!!!). And she enumerated other "winter guys". Carlo from Lovers in Paris...Lei from Meteor Garden...which, incidentally, are my crushes in real life. So mejo accurate nga ang mga sagot ko, I think. Isa pang similarity: sila'y mga komplikadong tao. Tsk, tsk...pinapahirapan ko ang sarili ko. Bakit di na lang kase ako ma-attract sa mga super babait at pleasant na mga tao e?! Dapat pa talaga challenging ang personality! (Oh, that's a nice term: challenging personality. Like some sort of euphemism, hehe.)

Pero sabi ng nanay ni Care, in the long run, di ka raw magiging masaya sa mga ganung tipong lalake. Well, okay lang dahil crush lang naman ito...di ko naman sila pakakasalan! ;P