Rational Expectations

I have a hard time unexpecting the expected. When something has been proven right over and over and over again, I think this kind of reaction happens. Although the economic theory of adapative expectations states that it is inaccurate for one to base one's decisions on past events since this time around it may be a totally different situation (essentially something to that effect, only said more in a more technical and boring manner), I am not a follower of the thought. I end up making decisions by basing them on historical facts.

After the first paragraph, it would appear contradictory when I say that I usually get disappointed because of this mindset. It's because in truth I want things to be different, to not follow the trend...for history not to repeat itself. So I result to lowering my expectations. It works well for the following simple reasons:

1) You don't anticipate
2) The less you anticipate, the lower the probability for disappointment
3) The lower the probability for disappointment, the lower the probability of getting hurt
4) The lower the probability of getting hurt, the higher the probability for having a mind at peace and unbothered

A clear inverse relationship among the variables. With a significant effect on the lefthand side of the equation. Achieving the required efficiency. Plus the extra bit of utility you receive when you don't expect something nice to happen but it does.

Whoever said economics isn't a true social science is nuts.

Fan Fic 'Ffected

I am currently teary-eyed. I just read the second to the last chapter of the best Harry Potter fanfic there is (in my opinion). The writer just captures emotions and truths so well that they knock me up and cause thoughts to stir inside my head and I end up seriously mulling things over. And like any other good thing, it's just sad to know that it's going to be over soon.

I want to give you a standing ovation. You're the best, Cassandra Claire. I do hope you continue to write more excellent reads.

Tsk, tsk. Now I'm going to have to look for other fanfics...*sigh*

I AM SUCH A POTTER FAN

Witticisms and Unexpected Short Walks

*****

They make her smile. And these are smiles of the most genuine kind...the type that one gives a baby when he coos or the sort that you give your dad when he picks you up from a gimik in the wee hours of the morning.

She hasn't smiled like this for a long time. Nowadays, she usually smiles, or more of laughs out loud only when someone says something funny or if when she's in a kulitan-asaran spree with her friends. So it was quite an experience for her to feel her face breaking into a wide, smooth and so genuinely-meant smile. It is the type that reaches her eyes and the person she's smiling at. The cause of her perfect smile. That made her perfect day.

*****

Tip-toeing to Look into the Future

I am currently bored and currently not in the mood to read an entire book devoted to Rational Expectations (sorry tp, just not in thesis mode right now). So I got myself thinking about the FUTURE again. And everytime I think about it, it seems to be approaching with more speed. And what sucks is up until this very moment, I still don't know what I really want to do. Typical, I know, but it doesn't change the fact that it is ultimately confusing.

Sometimes I wish that I just had an extremely good singing voice or I had that extraordinary gift at playing the piano so that deciding on what career to pursue would be so much easier.

I know it's consistency is probably the way it was since the beginning but the future seems to take a much bigger and more murky view from where I'm standing. Or maybe it's because I'm expecting some kind of a "Eureka, I've got it!" moment. Or perhaps I'm too confused to be thinking about it in the way I should.

I should be looking for a job instead of writing this post.

Sige na nga, mag-ta-Tagalog na ako (Well, mas Taglish I think)

Sabi ko kase hindi ako mag-Ta-Tagalog sa blog na ito. Para pag may nagbasa na nakakaintindi lang ng English, mababasa niya. Pero what the heck, di naman para sa kanya ang blog na ito kundi para sa akin, di ba?! Hahaha! Wala lang.

Fun week itong nagdaan. First seryosong week ng classes (so anu yun, joke lang yung last week?! hehe). And here were my daily significant activities:

MONDAY: Beach House Lunchout with friends (plus thesis research na ren)

TUESDAY: Gateway ticket reservations for HP4...and kain and kwentuhan too (plus marketing)

WEDNESDAY: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie!!!!! :D

THURSDAY: Constantine Maroulis Concert in Greenbelt 3!!!! (hotness!)

FRIDAY: Traditional Choc Kiss Dinner with traditional Choc Kiss Friends (minus 1, plus 2)

At saan naman ang classes diyan, di ba?! In fairness to me, pumapasok naman ako...di nga lang yun ang highlight ng mga araw ko kaya di sila yung nakikita sa mga pinakanatuwa akong ginawa sa buhay ko ngayong linggo.

Feel na feel ko ang pagiging 9 units left na lang. Ang saya. Walang ginagawa (well, that is, compared to what I've been doing before). Minsan nga boring na. Although di lang ako siguro sanay kase. I could get used to this kind of life...wag kaya akong magtrabaho after?! Hahaha! Shempre hindi pwede yun. At gusto ko rin namang kumita ng pera.

*****

Ang ganda ng Goblet of Fire movie. I am kinda biased but a lot of people said na maganda nga ren naman talaga. I am watching it again with family and another set of Harry Potter friends. Wahahaha!:D

*****

Ang saya magkaron ng new friends. :D Sobrang laugh trip, haha! New hirits, new jokes, new laughs, new kwento. I am loving my new forever kasabay pauwi -- Dennis!!! Dati kase I tend to go home alone. Ngayon, ang saya, may kasabay na ako umuwi almost everyday..kahit gano pa ka-late! Whee! Kase naman ang Dennis, pareho kami ng body clock ata at ng kagustuhang mag-stay muna sa Econ at huwag munang umuwi. In short, pareho kaming tamad umuwi at gala. Hehehe.

*****

I am currently home alone. Not one member of my family is here with me. Na-w-weirdan lang ako. Usually ako yung wala lagi sa bahay e. Tapos ngayon ako yung iwan dito. Haha. Wala lang. Talaga nga atang wala na ako mashadong ginagawa.

*****

Excited na ako sa sleepover namin kina Maggie sa Tuesday. Yes, we will have a sleepover. Barkada sleepover ito. On a school night (para namang nag-matter masyado yun date di ba?!hehe). Talagang wala na kaming ginagawa, hehe. I am loving it. DVD marathon! Food trip! Puppet show for baby Hannah! Tapos yung winner (meaning magpapatawa ng pinakamatagal kay Han) may prize! hahaha! Yeba!

What's that Again?

It is startling to find out that one no longer understands what he used to get almost instantly. It's like unlearning something that had once been a central part of you. I thought things as important as that could not be unlearned...kinda like riding a bicycle (though I wouldn't know firsthand because I don't know how to ride one). I guess I was wrong.

And why the heck am I feeling sad about this? It was almost a conscious decision.

Oh...that's why.

Thoughts on the First Week of the Last Semester of my College Life

Oh yes. As early as now, I am getting sentimental. Every waking day seems to be a reminder of the fact that college for me is nearing its end. It's like having an intangible, invisible and inaudible countdown billboard of that fateful day they call GRADUATION automatically making tick-tock inside my head, which, at the moment, serves something m0re of a body clock than my real body clock does. And this isn't an exaggeration. Well, of course it is but it is close to the truth.

Everything seems to have a LAST attached before it. For example, I just had my LAST registration period. My LAST turnover. My LAST pre-rog enlistment for a subject. My LAST first official day of the sem. And on Monday, I am going to have my LAST cancellation of a subject I enlisted (yep, my pre-rogging skills were put to a waste). I am going to renew membership to my beloved org for the LAST time. And so on and so forth.

But something good comes from having the thought of everything being the LAST time something happens. It makes me appreciate the experience even more. A simple first-day-to-class walk in the rain made this sink in. As one of my AS MTh walkmates said (apologies for whatever inaccuracy), "...Let's cherish every moment." And that goes for fourth year, graduating students almost getting lost inside the Faculty Center because they stubbornly almost refused to believe an updated freshman that CAL 304 is inside the new College of Arts and Letters Building. As that particular freshman said (again, forgive inaccuracies in quoting), " ...Bahala nga kayo. Sabagay cherish every moment naman di ba?" And I agreed.

I shall, indeed, cherish every moment. Anyway, that's how life's supposed to be lived after all.

*****

Somewhat connected to the paragraphs before this, I have decided to do something I thought I'll never feel like doing. Haha, it must be the effect of the youth conference I attended yesterday. I'm doing it for HIM (B.I.L. kung B.I.L. e).

>>Pause for a crazy afterthought: BWAHAHAHA!!!<<

*Back to original, sane sentiment.* ;p

To All the Boys Who've Made me Smile Before

To You who motivated me to go and hear mass every single summer day for six years...
To You who yelled in the middle of a noisy crowd and got every single person fall silent...
To You who's witty and charming and a notably drunk driver at your whim...
To You who became the definition of what "super nice" was...
To You who accepted me for who I was without ifs or buts...
To You who's been an unexpected source of high EQness...
To You who makes me feel kilig with just a nod of acknowledgement...
To You who made me see the qualities that I really wanted in a guy...
To You who dismisses my exagerrated fussing-over-you act whenever I see you with a puzzled look on your face...
To You for your winner hirits forever...
To You who looks so nice wearing that striking yellow t-shirt of yours...
To You who stroked my hair as I cried on your shoulder...
To You whose face is eternally plastered with that trademark smile of yours...
To You who remained ever steadfast and loyal...
To You who reminded me of he who motivated me to go and hear mass every single summer day for six years...
To You for that unexpected little gift...
To You for that compliment you gave that made my day...

To more and more smiles ahead. :D

PMOS: Prospective Mate Obssession Syndrome

Went to a youth conference with a good friend of mine yesterday. One of the elder speakers in the said conference spoke of a certain syndrome afflicting Generation X ers (meaning me and everyone else falling under my age category). It's acronym is PMOS: Prospective Mate Obssession Syndrome

Symptoms:

1) Being sooo aware that one is single and is frantically looking for (whether openly or just in one's heart, silent yet most passionate, hahaha).
2) Asking what's wrong with one's self for not having a special someone at the moment.
3) Being "on the lookout" for possible candidates.


I laughed out loud at the funny signs that the speaker said. And at the fact that old people do get us sometimes.

A Letter from Me to You

*****
TO YOU: For Getting Him

Wow. They say that time flies but I never felt it fly this fast. One minute we were inseparable...the next minute you two are. Well, it didn't happen that fast, I'm exagerrating. It went on slowly, more of a day-to-day basis kind of thing. But I didn't think he was slipping away. Or I chose not to.

I never really thought of him in that way. Oh, you know what I mean. How I was to him came naturally to me. It was just the way things are I guess between the two of us. Well, we both loved each other's company and so everything seemed so just right, like Little Bear's porridge.

He used to make my day. I actually looked forward to seeing him. Being in his company seemed to make everything a little lighter than it actually is. And mind you, that meant a lot to me. All smiles and hearty laughter. That's what I remember of the way we were before.

As time passed, a lot of things did and didn't happen. Attitudes changed. Words became harsh. Too little of importance was spoken. Paranoia settled in. Fear. Considerable considerations. Lack of certainty. No wonder.

It was during that one day, that one day that everything became clear to me. It hit me like a Sniper's bullet: swift, clean, precise. I LOVED him. Come to think about it, I always did. It's just one of those things that you don't really think about and realize because you don't have to. It's just like that. The realization came a year too late. And it hurts me to know that I've hurt him a lot of times...and all because I resisted what was natural. Too many walls for so many reasons.

Believe it or not, I admire you. You always go and get what you want, whatever it takes. And most of the time, you do. I don't have that kind of courage, I admit. But now that you already have what you want, I do hope that you are certain that you want him. And not just want him, but LOVE him. Not because he's charming or he's good at what he does or he's nice or any of the usual reasons people give out as answers to the that perenially asked WHY question. Love him because he IS. Nothing more, nothing less.

Also, be careful of what you say. He doesn't speak up much but that doesn't mean he doesn't get hurt when certain things are said. He likes it when one compliments his artistic endeavors. Encourage him in whatever he loves doing -- the effect to him is like prozac and he becomes even more excited with whatever it is. Be ready to tell him when to stop -- even brilliant minds need guidance once in a while. And, don't ever make him peanut butter somethings. He hates it.

There. That's it. Thanks for your time. And I hope, in the future, for more than that.


FROM ME: Forgetting Him

*****

Taking a Mental Note and Putting it On umm, Softcopy?

Someone's got a lot of things on her mind that she wants to post. But that same someone is not yet in the best mood to do so. So this blog entry is a reminder that I have something I'd like to write about very much. And a means of having more cellphone message space (since I found it the most efficient and accessible way of keeping my thoughts in check). To assist me in remembering, I guess some keywords would be necessary:

1) Forget
2) Jamie Calibara (haha!)
3) Travel
4) Change and Love
5) Eunice's tagline for the quite some time now

Hmm, what else?

Anyway, that would keep me busy for quite a while.

Adios, til I get the mood I'm looking for.

Salvaged Line from the Garbage Bin

Whoa. It' has been a loooooooooong time since I last posted here. Haha. Told you I had the tendency to neglect this blog.

I "cleaned up" a little...well, okay a lot, since I'm going to make this blog of mine public soon. And it was stupid of me to delete most of my past posts (instead of editing them, damn). It's good that I got to salvage my favorite line.:

"May this moment be sealed forever in the light of your eyes twinkling everytime you're amused or you have a brilliant idea or you're just smiling for no particular reason at all, that it may remind me of the way you were when I first knew you, since the you I know is leaving soon."

*****

Yay! I'm going to keep this blog alive! :D